The Problem With Marriage

The problem with marriage - or the modern understanding of marriage - is that a union which claims to help two independent people find "self-actualization" or to "fulfill all their dreams" is impossible. What happens when one person's self-actualization is one hundred percent in the way of the other person's dream? Well, maybe divorce. Maybe just a fight. Possibly one partner yields all rights to his own "self-actualization" and bends to the other's will - not happily, but out of necessity - perhaps there are children involved. Sometimes the idea of "compromise" is introduced - I give this, you give that. Maybe neither is happy, but hey, any reasonable person can see that you can't have your own way all the time.

I just read Dr. Leithart's article "When Marriage is Dying." He made the case that any marriage involves death - the death of two single people to produce a couple, and that every marriage requires daily "dying unto oneself" on the part of both parties. It's not "what do I get out of this partnership?" It is "how can I serve and love my spouse today, even if it means denying myself [blank]." This is totally different than what you hear preached on TV - "as long as we both shall love." [gag!] Or, "So-and-So, you help me be the best person I can be!" The idea of love as self-sacrifice is lost. Of course, the TV isn't trying to educate you on Christian Marriage - just Secular Marriage. And the divorce rate sky-rockets. Go figure.

The problem with marriage is that it requires death - death to yourself. But it's the only way to live.


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